Thursday, May 28, 2015

My Thoughts On When Things Don't Work Out

It feels like it's been about a million years since I've been on here to share what I have been thinking about. There are many things that are about to change in my life and I can honestly say that I am anxious, excited, and scared like hell. I have been working toward a specific goal for a couple of years now and things are finally beginning to unfold the way I have wanted them to. Although big life changes can trigger my anxiety and panic attacks, I am more than ready for this next step in my life. I am looking forward to what the next few years have in store for me. Mostly, I feel like I am doing the right thing for me and it feels great.

Ever since I graduated from college a few years ago, I have felt like my life path has led me all over the place. I have done a lot of thinking and reflecting on what these years and paths have taught me about myself and the world around me. I can't help but wonder where I would be if certain dreams of mine had come true. I wonder what my life would be like if I had never moved to Chicago. I wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed in certain relationships. I wonder what my life would be like if I had never left my hometown. I have left so many places and people, but I know that at the end of the day I have to do what's best for me. Sounds selfish, right? Maybe it is. However, at this moment in time I can say that I am proud of myself. I have made several mistakes and made some messes along the way, but I have continued to follow my intuition and learned to speak my mind. I am continuing to grow into who I am becoming and I like who she is.

So maybe some of my dreams didn't come true. I thought I knew what I wanted, but it obviously wasn't meant for me. I am at peace with the fact that what is meant to be in my life will be and whatever isn't meant for me will find it's way out of my life. As far as a situation, all I can do is try my hardest and the rest will fall into place. Hard work does pay off. As for people, all I can do is meet someone half way. If someone wants to stay, they will find a way to stay. Otherwise, it is not meant to happen. I have been completely heartbroken over situations that didn't happen for me, but now I am able to see why they didn't. Dreams don't always come true, but I have always found another dream.

I guess what I want you to take away from this is if you're going through a tough time right now, I promise you it's going to teach you a lot about who you are. You will be thrown into situations that will ultimately make you a stronger and better person. It has taken me a long time to understand this. I have been lost in a fog more than once and I did a lot of stupid things to escape that feeling. I advise anyone reading this to not repeat my mistakes. I have always enjoyed being alone, but I have felt lonely many times. I challenge you to embrace your solitude. It turns out that spending a lot of time on your own can remind you of what it is you truly want to do with your life. There are a lot of dreams living inside of you. Find a dream and chase it.

I hope this helps you feel a little better.

Until next time...

1 comment:

  1. I happened to watch your youtube video entitled "Some things from an INFJ's perspective" and found my way here, which led me to read this article as well and felt like I should comment.

    I'm pretty sure I'm a bit older than you so much of what you spoke about in the video brought back some old memories. I grew up with social anxiety as well, and felt myself at odds more often than not, with the way I viewed things "should be" with regards to basic human relations/social interactions and the way things actually are.

    The world was just much more callous than I felt it should be. I'm a man so that's not going to make for smooth sailing early on in life. I suppose years of that eventually manifested itself into disenchantment, detachment, frustration, and eventual anger. There just isn't much advice available to men of this personality type. Matter of fact, most advice any of us would receive would be to change our ways, "toughen up," etc. etc. insert generic, thoughtless machoism here.

    I wanted to applaud you for your video. From my perspective, that seems like a pretty difficult thing to have accomplished, so congrats! I know that I would not have the organization to have gotten through it, let alone the fact that I have become less inclined to explain myself to the vast majority of people that just don't understand. I think that a video of this nature can be immensely helpful as a bit of a guide for our personality type and to reinforce the fact that there isn't anything wrong with us per se, we're just very different in how we interact with just about everything and everyone. It's vital that we learn to accept ourselves, which is easy for me to say now that I'm older, but was absolute hell to deal with growing up. You sharing information can only serve to help others find an understanding of themselves so I certainly hope you continue to do it.

    As for your article above, my heart goes out to you. It definitely sounds like your journey has been difficult, but that you have found a fulfilling path, which I believe, might be the most important thing of all for our happiness, as well as, our sanity. I myself, found medicine, and found that no matter how crappy the outside world can be at times, I can do my best in my little niche to make things better for other people.

    Keep pushing! I think you'll find that the more you are able to teach/inform/help other people the more fulfilled you will be! Personally, I know it's the only way I can keep the crazy away at times. Know that while there sure as heck aren't many of us out here, there are a few and we're always ready to help. Good luck to you and anyone else that may be searching for a bit of advice.

    PS: A few "weird traits" that we share that I wonder if others share as well. I flipping hate loud noises, crashes/talking/slams as well. I refuse to watch any news on tv because the negativity bleeds into me and can really wreck me mentally/emotionally, so I filter my internet news heavily. Mistreatment of others but especially children, the elderly, and animals (beings that can't fight back) brings out a scary inner rage in me and I absolutely hate negative gossip or other manipulations that people like to spread around, to the point where I will drop all association with whomever tries to pull that garbage.

    Anyway, it was nice watching your video and reading your thoughts here. This has been my first and probably last ever comment on a blog which is a good thing considering it's length and amount of time it took, ha! Best wishes.