Tuesday, September 1, 2015

On New Beginnings

Happy September, my friends.

It is finally the cusp of my favorite time of year. September through November fill me with more joy than I could ever attempt to verbalize. I have always been an Autumnal person. I am naturally drawn to warmer shades, thicker textures. I am usually made fun of for trying to wear sweaters in June.

I love the Fall because she teaches me. Around this time every year, I feel a shift inside of me. I feel things changing within me in unison with the colors changing on the leaves.

You see, changes have always been difficult for me. I value planning and knowing what to expect. A sensitive person, especially someone as sensitive as I am, desperately needs to have some sort of solid ground to stand on. I have mentioned before how big life changes trigger my anxiety and panic attacks.

I crave new experiences, yet I am left with the growing pains as a result. This, I've realized, is a good thing. I watch the leaves bloom into their various shades of red, and they bravely face their fate to fall to the ground. They die, and eventually are reborn. That is the lesson I must learn over and over again when it comes to facing my own fears. I have actively chosen to pursue my dreams, and it has scared the hell out of me.

I hope I continue to push myself. I hope I continue to surprise myself. I hope that with each step of my life, I bloom a little brighter, only to be faced with another fear to work through. I never want to become complacent or too comfortable. I only wish to grow, even with the pains, so that I can continue to share what I am learning.

If you have any blog post topic requests, don't be shy and please let me know.

Until next time,
Amelia

2 comments:

  1. Hi Amelia,

    İ am Kübra, from Turkey. So i am writing this letters very far away from you :) I couldn't find your e-mail, this is why i am writing from here.

    First of all, i am not a native speaker so sorry for my grammar mistakes :)

    I am a 24 years old girl, and recently found out that i am an infj. I am interested in psychology and i was aware of some concepts and started to understand reasons behind my behaviours and introvert characteristics of mine. But, i took the personality test and omg. It definetely opened a new door into my life.

    I thought about all those years. Sometimes i feel very misunderstood. Sometimes i just cant express my thoughts as they are in my mind. I can write but cant put into words. I like to socialize with people, but i need some intervals. I need to stay alone with myself. İf i cant, i feel lost. I cant 'fit' in every group, people, environments. If i can fit, i can be even exrovert and very talkative. But i should feel 'safe' and it takes a long time. I care about people, listen them carefully, see their strenghts/weakness, and yes i am a real observer. Sometimes i just observe and i cant stop that. I see even little mimics and it can be tiring. I am also very aware of myself. İt can be tiring too. And i never let myself to stop. I always think, think and think...it is just about everyting; my day, things happened in the past, my future, possibilities.. Sometimes i feel like i will lose my mind. But i always get better. I can make myself upset and happy at the same time. I always try to get better, on everything. On my job, my appereance, relationship. Always try to get away from biases and be a nicer person. Try to see beauty on people, instead of focusing on their flaws.

    I actually like myself, but it is not easy to live like that. Now, i know better about myself; my strengths and flaws. But it is still challenging to cope with all of these. I know what should i do, but can't easily make it happen on my real life. I had a successfull academic life and now have a good job on marketing. I have a good relationships with my family and with my close friends. But, my love life had been always a problem for me. I had just one long relationship, and many short ones. As you can imagine, it is not easy for me to have many short relationships. It is really hard for me to find person whom i can feel 'right' with. I am usually taken in their appereance, carrier, etc. But those are nonsense, if can't feel right. I still have hope, but after all unsuccesful relationships, sometimes i feel very desperate. That is my biggest challenge as an infj.

    I am writing these to you, because you inspired me Amelia. I just broke up with my last boyfriend and just after that i discovered about infj. He is a really nice guy actually, but it was like there was a barrier between us and we couldnt pass over it. I couldnt let myself to be 'myself' with him, and he didnt help me as well. However, we are working at the same company and i see him on every day. Even it took 2 months and he never satisfied my heart’s cravings, it is hard for me to let him go from my mind. Because i want to believe in people and give them many chances, it is sometimes hard for me to see the reality.

    So, when i was trying to heal myself, i read your articles. They were very inspiring. It was like reading an article about 'me' and i feel much more better. İ will keep reading, always move on and try to embrace myself with all my flaws. I dont know you, and probably we will never meet. But i want to say thank you and maybe bare to you :)

    Your fellow from Istanbul,
    Kubra

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  2. "I watch the leaves bloom into their various shades of red, and they bravely face their fate to fall to the ground."

    The leaves bravely fall to the ground, only to be picked up again, by the winds that blow them down the riverbanks, the passer-by's who collect them and put them into their sketchbook, stuck between a child's feet, damply stuck onto a dog's tail.

    It falls only to go on the next great adventure!

    : )

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