It feels like it's been about a million years since I've been on here to share what I have been thinking about. There are many things that are about to change in my life and I can honestly say that I am anxious, excited, and scared like hell. I have been working toward a specific goal for a couple of years now and things are finally beginning to unfold the way I have wanted them to. Although big life changes can trigger my anxiety and panic attacks, I am more than ready for this next step in my life. I am looking forward to what the next few years have in store for me. Mostly, I feel like I am doing the right thing for me and it feels great.
Ever since I graduated from college a few years ago, I have felt like my life path has led me all over the place. I have done a lot of thinking and reflecting on what these years and paths have taught me about myself and the world around me. I can't help but wonder where I would be if certain dreams of mine had come true. I wonder what my life would be like if I had never moved to Chicago. I wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed in certain relationships. I wonder what my life would be like if I had never left my hometown. I have left so many places and people, but I know that at the end of the day I have to do what's best for me. Sounds selfish, right? Maybe it is. However, at this moment in time I can say that I am proud of myself. I have made several mistakes and made some messes along the way, but I have continued to follow my intuition and learned to speak my mind. I am continuing to grow into who I am becoming and I like who she is.
So maybe some of my dreams didn't come true. I thought I knew what I wanted, but it obviously wasn't meant for me. I am at peace with the fact that what is meant to be in my life will be and whatever isn't meant for me will find it's way out of my life. As far as a situation, all I can do is try my hardest and the rest will fall into place. Hard work does pay off. As for people, all I can do is meet someone half way. If someone wants to stay, they will find a way to stay. Otherwise, it is not meant to happen. I have been completely heartbroken over situations that didn't happen for me, but now I am able to see why they didn't. Dreams don't always come true, but I have always found another dream.
I guess what I want you to take away from this is if you're going through a tough time right now, I promise you it's going to teach you a lot about who you are. You will be thrown into situations that will ultimately make you a stronger and better person. It has taken me a long time to understand this. I have been lost in a fog more than once and I did a lot of stupid things to escape that feeling. I advise anyone reading this to not repeat my mistakes. I have always enjoyed being alone, but I have felt lonely many times. I challenge you to embrace your solitude. It turns out that spending a lot of time on your own can remind you of what it is you truly want to do with your life. There are a lot of dreams living inside of you. Find a dream and chase it.
I hope this helps you feel a little better.
Until next time...